Sun, 09 Oct 2005 20:18:31 GMT

So you're probably wondering what the hell is going on.

Basically this visit home opened my eyes to a lot. One of these things is that I've changed significantly. College has changed me in ways I don't understand, nor do I wish to. As such, I am ditching divans. It is a record of memories I don't wish to repeat. I'm cutting ties from what I thought I knew. My flaws, my strengths, and yours.

Someone on my friends list said this and it holds true for me (except I tweaked it for my own personal situation).

"I've been at Loyola for a month and it's already forced me to look at myself in painful ways. I went through some emotional turmoil of highs and lows in only a handful of weeks, but I think it was what needed to happen.

I didn't like being an open-wound for these people I don't even know to see.
I didn't like basing my happiness on the affection I received from others.
I still don't like that I refuse to make time for myself.

I could psycho-analyze myself all day and it wouldn't solve anything.

Now that I'm back in Wisconsin for the weekend I see this is not the place I want to be. I miss the people, but I sure as hell don't miss the place. The lack of opportunity. Having to drive everywhere. Maybe by December or even the summer I'll feel comfortable being back in Milwaukee, but right now, no. There is nothing here for me. There are a couple people that I wish I could put into my pocket and take with me everywhere for the rest of my life. I nuzzled my head into their necks and shoulders and didn't want to let go. But, still, I need to let go in a way. The physical way. Letters will have to do until I'm back here for an extended period of time."

I'm shutting this down and you'll find [the new] me here: verbsnouns

je suis le lapin